For Prod: 20 Notes From a First Time Mom

Feb 10

Something a little more personal.

A journal entry.

A shout out to all the moms, parents, and guardians in our line of work; you are superheroes not just to the kiddos (even if they don't know it yet), but to new parents too.

For what it's worth, you're a hero to me.

I became a mom late last year, and while I knew that parenthood was not going to be easy, I had no idea how much. I'm quickly learning, granted that I'm still on maternity leave and haven't yet experienced the full scope of what it's like to be a working mom, I'm learning how much more difficult it is to keep up with personal work and the responsibilities of being a parent, let alone finding time for yourself to keep your own mental health and sanity. Most days, I can't even hear my own thoughts!

With each day that passes, I'm realizing that so much of our success and fulfillment in our careers and parenthood depend on how much support we have in both home and work --and the quality of that support. Recognizing this, I've gained a newfound appreciation for the parents I've worked alongside for years. If you're one of them and you're reading this, I hope you know that you are doing a phenomenal job.

I see you, I'm learning from you, and I look up to you. You are amazing.

And so though I'm still very new to all of this, I wanted to write a few things down for my own reference to capture these thoughts while they're fresh, because with the new perspective that comes with being a mom, I'm discovering the kind of support that would be helpful to me when I return to work and perhaps in time, these lessons will teach me how to better support my team especially those who are balancing 2 full time jobs: work and parenthood.

I've always thought that I was supportive of parents at work mainly because I never made a fuss about schedule conflicts when family and work obligations overlapped and people needed to be away from work. I was flexible with outages during work hours, I was patient when kids were in the background during calls, and I covered Production tasks when someone in my team suddenly needed to leave for family reasons. Hey, life happens, I'd say, and I’d practice leading with a holistic attitude in mind. I acknowledge that sometimes, home life bleeds into work life. It happens and when it does, we need to lead with compassion because life outside of work impacts who we are and how we perform at work. People do not exist in isolated facets where they can be a certain way on one side of their life and be a completely different person in another --I guess unless you're a character in Severance. But I digress. Simply, I've been big on encouraging my team to understand that what happens at home affects work and vice versa, and thus in recognizing that, we can foster more empathy at work. So, of course, if you needed time away from work to pick up the kids, or go to a last minute doctor's appointment because a spot just opened up, it was never a problem. You need to do what you need to do, and the rest of the team will cover what's needed at work in the meantime. That was my idea of support and I thought that that was enough…

That is, until I became a parent myself.

I had trouble writing this post so it took a while to put it together coherently. Mostly because my thoughts are jumbled in pieces and needed a much more dedicated time to be eloquently organized --but if you only have 20 mins at a time throughout the day and are only finding time to write in the small pockets between the endless loop of feeding, entertaining an infant, chores, hygiene, walks outside, and trying to be "productive" --well it's tough. So, instead I'll just list some bullet points below for Future Me to decipher.

20 Notes for Prod - from Me to Future Me

A Note to Self on things to consider for the team and working parents/guardians when I return to work. In no particular order.

On Wellness
- Consider that not all "self care" practices are realistic within a parent's availability and mental/physical/spiritual capacity. So, what are other ways you can encourage or allow for time to recoup?
Prod Support: Be mindful of meeting times. Help protect lunch breaks and EOD times --those time away from work are more valuable than you realize.
On Child Care
- Consider that not everyone has an easy access to child care. They might not have family in the city, or could still be on waitlists.
Prod Support: Be understanding of WFH and flexible work arrangements. Suggest studio outreach to nearby facilities to assist with child care or after school care.
On Work Benefits
- Consider advocating for family support. What are the benefits that employers offer? Can it be better?
- Consider benefits that help with child care, WFH flexibility, contract considerations while on parental leave --this is when new parents need external help the most!
- When they say it takes a village to raise a child, the workplace isn't exempt from this. There are things we can do at work to help support families.
Prod Support: Speak out in Studio Benefits Info Sessions. Reach out to HR for feedback. Encourage seeking mental health support if it's covered.
On WFH
- Consider that some families do not have extended families living in the city and only have themselves, their partners, or friends to help look after their kids. Or, with the cost of living rising, the proof that WFH is doable, and the decline in hiring within our industry atm, WFH for some, might arguably be a matter of survival.
Prod Support: WFH flexibility.
On New Parents Returning to Work
- Consider the time they need to adjust to a strict schedule and routine.
- I like schedules. I like routines. Newborns have neither of these. I found myself struggling to surrender to a day to day that is without the predictability and stability that my old routines provided as I constantly bounced back and forth between wanting to be productive to letting go and being present for the current moment instead. I know that with time, I'll get used to "our new normal". This is the life of new parents during their parental leave. When they return to work, consider that they'll need time to merge the structure of work and the organic nature of raising a child.
Prod Support: Build an onboarding plan for returning parents. Do they need to be back at full capacity right away? Would a slow ramp up be an option?
On Looking Out For Each Other
- Consider advocating for your team. Not everyone will speak up for themselves.
- How to better look out for each other? How to show up for each other?
- How do we approach managing the pressures at work with the responsibilities of a parent/guardian?
- How much is left unsaid?
- Where is the line between empathy and apathy under the guise of "professionalism"?
Prod Support: Lift people up. If appropriate, do a pulse check during check ins if there's more we can do to help. Maybe start a social group chat/thread/club for parents at work to share resources.

Do not confuse "professionalism" with lack of empathy.
On Stress
- Consider their stress level at work. Are there stressors at home that might affect work? And vice versa?
- Have they been given adequate time, space, and external support to manage their responsibilities?
Prod Support: Never underestimate the value of 1:1s. Do not downplay stress. Build an environment that nurtures teamwork until it becomes natural that roadblocks in the project is not for any one person to shoulder alone.
On Keeping Your Cool
- Consider being extra patient yourself if someone is having a difficult time at home or is unusually short-tempered. It's challenging to stay calm, focused, and collected 100% of the time when you have a fussy tiny human!
- Consider that stability, even with our emotions, relies in the predictability of situations or the confidence of making something work despite hurdles that present themselves.
Prod Support: How can you reduce "work surprises" to not add to the stressors they're already having to deal with. Again, 1:1s really do make a difference.
On Motivation
- Consider if there are things happening at home that might be affecting their work. Don't just assume the reasons why they're disengaged from work.
Prod Support: Investigate if their current schedule allows time for creativity. A breather. Time to problem solve or work on tasks without being constantly bombarded with information or work. *ahem* Meetings.
On the Invisible Labour
- Consider how much time a work task will actually take if they're also responsible for school pick ups, baby duty for the day, taking care of a sick kid or partner at home?
- Consider the invisible struggles and stress that go beyond what is let on in emails and chats because "gotta keep it professional." If you can do this, leading with compassion and empathy comes naturally.
- Consider someone's constant balancing act of child care and career responsibilities.
Prod Support: Do not just assume that poor performance is due to lack of engagement or motivation. Offer help by taking a few things off their plate.
On Burnout
- Consider their individual and personal goals. Are their goals and project goals aligned? Someone once said that burnout happens not when you have too much to do, but rather when you don't have time to do the things that you want to do. So, how's your team?
Prod Support: Know what inspires your team and help them find ways to achieve their personal goals within the project.
On Finding the Glimmer
- Consider getting to know their partner's name, or kids, or even pets! Sometimes just a brief small talk that takes them out of the mundane or the dread of work can help ease into the day.
- To some, family might be their source of pride/joy and what keeps them going. Celebrate that.
Prod Support: Get to know your team at a more personal level.
On Recognizing Parents and the Work They Do
- I don't think I've adequately appreciated how much working parents do and can do despite everything that comes with parenthood.
- Consider making an effort of thanking them for their help at work. Especially when they've gone above and beyond on something. There's very likely invisible labour and sacrifices that came with it.
- Consider making more of an effort to greet them around Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Prod Support: Keep in mind that giving praise where it's due and being grateful to your team is never a small thing.
On Early Morning Meetings Outside Regular Work Hours
- Consider that they might have early morning responsibilities like making breakfast for the family, helping kids ready for school, school drop offs, or, even time to get ready themselves!
Prod Support: Do your best to keep meetings within regular work hours. When possible, keep the first half hour meeting-free.
Be considerate and respect people’s time outside of work hours.
On Overtime
There are 2 sides to this:
- Consider if it's really needed. You're not only taking a parent away from their family, but may also be taking support away from their partners.
- BUT, also consider that SOME parents WANT the OT. Maybe for financial reasons, or it's a way for them to keep doing what they love without losing themselves completely to the demands of home life. It's a way to keep their sense of identity.
Prod Support: Know your team and manage overtime appropriately.
On Time Management
- Consider that time management can't be perfect 100% of the time.
- One of the things that hit me the hardest is when I’ve been so used to a routine and a set schedule, and suddenly I’m thrown in a way of working where there isn't one because everyday is different, and I’m at the mercy of how the baby is feeling (sleep schedule --what's that?), it’s very difficult not to get frustrated! I often fell into "this isn't me, this isn't how I usually do things."
- Consider that being a parent changes the game, and it changes because expectations, responsibilities, and priorities have shifted and all of that dictate how we manage our time.
Prod Support: Have an understanding that work deadlines and long hours while being on child duties that do not conform to a set schedule introduce a whole new level of difficulty. Find ways to allow flexibility in the schedule without detriment to the project or to their commitments at home.
On Priorities
- Consider if something is really urgent before making a request. Remember, important and urgent are not always the same thing.
- Consider that every individual has other personal priorities that will affect their time and effort, and it doesn't always mean that work will always come first.
- Consider that not all "priorities" will get done. Just as time management will not always be perfect at all times, getting through our to do lists or priorities for the day or week won't always be 100% complete. Prioritization helps us focus on what's important and thus increasing the likelihood of it getting done, but it's also important to know how to let go of guilt when things don't go as planned.
Prod Support: As written In one of the books I often read to our little one, "Bang-Ups and Hang-Ups can happen to you...So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act." Have a contingency plan when things don't go as planned, but never forget that home and work priorities are interwoven and the time/importance placed on them differ for each individual.
P.S. That quote was by Dr. Seuss ;)
On Micromanagement
- Consider trusting your team that the job will be done. And if not, trusting that you'll still figure something else out and it will be okay. While it's good to uphold accountability, constant check-ins isn't the way to do it. As mentioned On Priorities, there are other tasks that weave into people's day to day that you might not be aware of. Trust your team to have ownership of their time and schedule --and if ever things fall through, it's not the end of the world. We're making movies and TV shows here, dropping the ball once in a while is almost never that dire.
Prod Support: Foster a work environment that is a safe place for your team to own their responsibilities without fear of repercussions if expectations are not met. Empower them in their decision making and if mistakes do happen, remember that they are natural and a part of learning.
On Imperfections and Giving Yourself Grace
- Consider that done is better.
- At work, I've always been meticulous about the details making sure that everything is precise and consistent with the known workflows and formats. Imagine my poor brain's struggle when I realized that some things --a lot of things --I just simply wouldn't be able to keep up with. While yes, I would love to have been able to meditate, feed, pump, shower, get ready, feed again, pump again, change the little bean's diapers, eat, and go for a walk all before noon, some days, the end of my "morning routine" would be at sunset --and maybe some of those wouldn't have gotten done either, like still being on my PJ's at 5pm. And that's okay. At the end of the day, the important things got done. The day may be imperfect, but the tasks that really mattered got done anyhow --the baby is clean, safe, and healthy.
- For SOY, while I'd love to be consistent and post my videos every Sunday like before, some weeks, Mondays/Tuesdays are my next best. And that's okay too. It still got done.
- Consider letting go of the pressure to be perfect. Sometimes, the least stressful approach in getting a job done is to go with the flow. If the most important part of the task is done, it’s good enough. Let go and move on.
Prod Support: Sometimes, support requires nothing more but the acceptance of what is.
"done not perfect"
On Career vs Family
- Consider that parenthood is empowering rather than limiting.
- I can count the number of producers I've worked with that had children with one hand. Now I know and respect that for some, parenthood is not something they'd want, and that's 100% valid as well. Still, with knowing so few who did start a family and remained in the industry, I silently questioned if pursuing a career that I loved would be a choice I'd have to choose over starting a family. That maybe, it's one or the other. And seeing the impact of the demands of work already on us who had no children at the time, I couldn't even imagine it. It'll just be too much! It made me sad and scared. When so much of my identity was tied to my work --what would I be if I had to choose to let it go? This became even more frighteningly real when I was experiencing the shift at work first hand --wow, that motherhood penalty is real! There is, however, a glimmer of hope. I find it in those who are still here, in friends and co-workers who have children at home and are still rocking it at work. I find hope in the lessons that parenthood teaches. And I find hope that even if there is only a handful of producers that I can refer to, it's proof that it's still possible to have both.
Prod Support: Leadership workshops targeted towards balancing both home and work, and harnessing the strengths of skills learned from one that can be applied to the other.

To be clear, I, like my colleagues who are parents, do not resent being a parent. Truthfully, albeit super corny, it really is such a beautiful experience, and the joy that this little guy brings to our home even with the smallest movement or sound is priceless. I've always known that I wanted to be a mom, but what I did not expect was how deeply I'd fall in love with being a mom. And I'm grateful every day for the time I get to spend with our little one. You might be wondering what any of these had to do with Production. To me, motherhood is teaching me how to be a better leader. I wrote this not to list any regrets, because there aren't any, but more of a note to myself in the future on what to be mindful of in order to be a better Prod to my team, which I think can be summarized into 2 parts:

That you don’t have to choose between being great at home and being great at work. You can excel in both, but it requires support from both sides. You can’t do it all on your own.
That parenthood has given me a new perspective on the type of support that can help my team thrive—both at home and at work.

Being a new parent and having seen co-workers and friends go through parenthood while balancing full time jobs, I've come to learn that while having both is not impossible, there's more that we can do to help each other. As my friends and parents before me have taught me, you can be amazing parents who are present and involved with your family, and still keep your drive at work, but it takes support both at home and at work to make that possible.

If you've made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read the musings of this new mom. If it painted me naïve, it’s because I am, haha! But writing this had been, in a way, therapeutic so I’m still glad for the attempt to grasp wisdom however premature. If I know you personally, thank you for being an inspiration and an encouragement. If you are a parent, how you've overcome all of the above while still being able to hug your kids and still being able to greet work with enthusiasm, and how you're showing up everyday despite essentially fitting 2 lives in 1, and how you silently set an example to others on what is possible, to me, is what makes you a hero. You are amazing at what you do and I look forward to joining your ranks one day.

Have a lovely rest of your day, take care, and we'll chat again next time. :)

—Frances

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